It was a hot summer Sunday in 2008. My mom's pastor was leaving the church that day and a new one was replacing him. I had known this woman named Marian for most of my life as my mother dragged me to church every Sunday and Wednesday. Marian was a very tall elderly woman who always dyed her hair an unnatural shade of brown.
She had called the night before and asked to speak with me. She wanted to know if I would like to attend church with her and my mom to see the pastor off (I never met this pastor). I respectfully declined but she insisted. I said, "Maybe, but I don't know", just to humor her. She must have mistook my "maybe" for a "yes" because the next day all hell broke loose (slight exaggeration).
It was early evening and I had just woken up because I'm a total lazy ass and I love sleeping in on Sundays. In the middle of egg making I hear my mom coming up the stairs and another pair of footsteps as well. My mom walks in with Marian behind her. Marian then proceeds to walk past me (she didn't see me, I was in the kitchen and she was in the dining room), through my house and to my bedroom saying, "Where is she?" My mom says, "Now Marian." Marian realizes I'm in the kitchen where my mom is.
Marian sees me and gives me a friendly hug. She was a bit peeved that I didn't attend church with her this morning and proceeded to make dialogue with me.
MARIAN: Why didn't you go to church with me today?
ME: Well I didn't say I would, I just said "maybe".
MARIAN: You said, "Yes, I will."
Me: No, I didn't. I said, "Maybe, I don't know."
MARIAN: No, you told me "yes".
ME: Marian, no I didn't. I may not remember perfectly well but I know I didn't say "yes".
MARIAN: Well what's wrong with your memory?
ME: Nothing, I just have a really bad short-term memory apparently.
After insulting me she then decides it would be a good idea if she, my mother and I all huddle together and pray. I was clearly uncomfortable at this point and was looking to my mom for help but of course to no avail.
MARIAN: Larissa, do you believe in Jesus as your savior?
(Fuck.)
ME: Well, I haven't gone to church or been a part of all that for a long time.
MARIAN: Do you believe in Jesus?
ME: Well...
MARIAN: Do you believe in Jesus? (Much more sternly this time)
ME: No, I'm actually an atheist.
MARIAN: What?! Where do you think you came from?!
(Note: I'm extremely socially awkward and when confronted I clam up and say stupid things. Not to mention she had a firm grip on my shoulder the entire time.)
ME: I don't know? It's just what I think.
MARIAN: Let me tell you of the story of the rich man and the poor man.
(Oh, here we go.)
MARIAN: The rich man goes to heaven and the poor man burns eternally. Do you want to burn eternally? In fire?! I want you up in heaven with me! Let's go into the living room and you can get down on your knees and commit your life to God.
ME: No, no, that's not necessary. I'd rather not.
(She then looks at my mom, then back to me.)
MARIAN: Your mother is so good to you, and you don't have a job, you're staying here!
At this point I've had enough. I tried to get her hands off of me because she was holding both my shoulder and arm. She held on. I tried to leave but she wouldn't let go of me. Finally I managed to get away because at this point I was on the brink of tears from being so humiliated.
I waited in my room until she left and then I came out, bawling, and yelling at my mom. I asked her how she could just stand there and not help me. I was so angry at her for not sticking up for me. My mother may not be the most understanding person in the world, but she knew why I didn't have a job and why I was staying in her home.
